My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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