His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
