its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
