Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
