last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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