I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
