You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
