Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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