in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Its about making memories worth repressing
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
