We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
