Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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