i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
