i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
