remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pooping to opera.
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