Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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