....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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