It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
