margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
