Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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