i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
