She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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