I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
