So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i barfeds in our rink
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
