Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
