i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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