I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
