also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
