Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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