you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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