Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
