Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
