Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
