My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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