Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
