I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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