it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
