Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
