You work out of a Hotel?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Damn victory sex feels great
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
