Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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