My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
