even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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