Already got asked if we're dating
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
