I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
