shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
