I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
