one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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