I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
