Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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