I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
