YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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