I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
