Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
