I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
