he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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