Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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