If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
