Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
