Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
