it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Randomize
