You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
