Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize